From “Thinking About It” to “Talking About It”: Your First Divorce Consultation
Divorce is often an emotionally and practically challenging time, bringing uncertainty about family, finances and the future. As your solicitor, we aim to make the process as straightforward as possible by providing clear, pragmatic advice from the outset, guiding you through each step with sensitivity, and keeping the focus on what matters most to you.
Considering divorce is a major step and arranging your initial consultation with a solicitor to discuss your options in that regard can be particularly difficult. Below we explain what typically happens during this initial consultation and what to expect whether you may be the Petitioner (the person initiating the divorce proceedings) or the Respondent (the person receiving the petition).
Initial consultations are important for fact-finding and establishing the key facts of the breakdown of the marriage. You will be asked questions relating to:
How long you have been married and when the marriage broke down.
The reasons for the breakdown of the marriage.
Whether there are any immediate safety concerns, including domestic abuse, or urgent issues about children or money that may require short‑term court protection.
Whether there are children and what their current living and contact arrangements are.
Whether any previous court proceedings or agreements exist.
Your priorities and concerns: for example, keeping things amicable, timing, living arrangements, or support.
Once we have established the background, we will provide an overview of the divorce process to include points such as:
The legal basis for divorce in Northern Ireland. A court can grant a divorce only if the marriage has irretrievably broken down. This is proved by one of five facts: adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion (two years), two years’ separation with consent, or five years’ separation without consent.
The progression of a divorce, from preparing the paperwork to the Decree Nisi and Decree Absolute.
Timescales. Some cases move quicker than others, depending on which “fact” is used, whether matters are agreed, and the court’s timetable.
Costs and funding. We give an estimate of fees and outlays (such as court fees), discuss cost risks (including the possibility of a costs order), and check eligibility for Legal Aid where applicable.
Divorce Proceedings as the Petitioner
If you are thinking about starting a divorce, your first consultation will focus on whether, when, and how to issue a petition.
i. The Divorce “Fact”
We will discuss which of the five facts mentioned above best fits your circumstances. For example, a petition based on unreasonable behaviour needs a short, factual summary of behaviours, but we will draft this in a way that meets the legal test while minimising unnecessary conflict. If separation is the chosen fact, we will confirm the dates and whether consent is needed.
ii. Planning the petition
We will outline the documents involved, how service on your spouse works, and the likely timeline from filing to Decree Absolute. We will talk about whether to seek costs within the petition and when costs might sensibly be sought or reserved.
iii. Children and interim arrangements
While the divorce petition itself is about ending the marriage, your first consultation is also a chance to discuss the children’s immediate arrangements. We aim to resolve arrangements by agreement wherever possible. If there are urgent concerns (for example, a parent is withholding contact or there are safeguarding issues), we will explain the options for emergency or interim applications.
iv. Safety and protective measures
If there has been domestic abuse or intimidation, we will prioritise your safety. We will assess whether a Non‑Molestation Order or an Occupation Order is necessary, and any other steps to ensure your safety.
Divorce Proceedings as the Respondent
More often than not, the Respondent’s first meeting with a solicitor arises as a consequence of divorce proceedings being served on them. The initial consultation for the Respondent party focuses on the following:
i. Understanding the papers
We will explain what the petition alleges, whether costs are sought, and what the court expects from you. You will usually be asked to complete and return an Acknowledgement of Service (Form M6) within a set time. We will handle that for you and advise on any immediate responses required.
When returning the Form M6, the Respondent can respond in one of three ways:
You can acknowledge the petition and allow it to proceed without admitting specific allegations.
You may ask for inaccurate or unfair particulars to be amended or agree a neutral wording to keep the process civil.
Finally, you can oppose the petition. Defended divorces are rare and can be costly; we will advise candidly on prospects and alternatives, including cross‑petitioning if appropriate.
ii. Costs and proportionality
We will discuss whether to resist any costs claim, whether it is sensible to seek your own costs, and how to keep the process efficient. In many cases, early agreement on the approach avoids unnecessary hearings.
iii. Children and day‑to‑day arrangements
If there are children, we will review current arrangements, identify any issues, and set out pathways to resolve them—by agreement, mediation, or, if needed, court. Your legal position as a Respondent is the same as any parent; the court’s focus is on the children’s welfare.
iv. Safety and urgent issues
If you are facing allegations, we will advise on how to respond robustly and constructively. If you are concerned about your own safety or the children’s, we will discuss protective orders and practical safeguards. If there is a risk of being shut out of the home or finances, we can advise on urgent applications to stabilise the situation.
What You Might Bring With You
To make the most of the meeting, it helps to bring photo ID and proof of address, any relevant court or police documents, and a brief note of key dates (marriage, separation) and current arrangements for the children. Do not worry if you cannot gather everything in time; we can begin with what you have.
Your first divorce consultation is about clarity, control, and calm. Whether you may be the Petitioner or Respondent, you will leave knowing where you stand, what your options are in Northern Ireland, and how to move forward at a pace that suits you. When you are ready, we are here to help you take the next step.